Hey Mom, Ever Wish Your MIL Would Go MIA? - A Guest Post By Lynn Banis

Monday, September 27, 2010

Do the words "mother-in-law" make you cringe? If not, you are very fortunate indeed - work hard to keep a good relationship with your mother-in-law - you are blessed. If they do make you cringe this article may shed some light on your issues and help you cope a little better. Of course the best outcome is to repair any broken relationships. That would be ideal. Sometimes that is not possible and sometimes people are very difficult to deal with. If you have one of those mothers-in-law then read on. This might be the article for you.

I am going to identify some stereotypical mother-in-law types and provide a little advice on how to deal with them. This article is not long enough to go into these in depth but at least you will get some ideas you may not have tried.

1. The perfectionist. She does everything right and expects you to also. Part of the problem is her definition of "right." She doesn't always tell you what it is so it can sometimes be illusive and hard to pin down. In any case, you are told when you have not reached perfection. If you cannot achieve perfection in her eyes then relax and be yourself. Don't kill yourself trying to be and achieve something you aren't. I know that is hard when she is hurtful and critical but she is only using words and words can't hurt you unless you let them. If you must, meet in a neutral place like the mall or a restaurant so she doesn't have your house and cooking to criticize.

2. The drama queen. Everything is high drama and you are expected to play along with her. Every day is another soap opera and she demands everyone to be her audience. For some reason the world is plotting against her and her enemies are right around the corner planning disaster. This woman wants attention. Maybe you can find some ways to feed her need that aren't harmful to you and your family. When she talks about something that has happened direct the conversation to the family so you can learn more about your husband and how he grew up. Use the information she gives to deepen your relationship with him.

3. The gossip. She tells you everything you didn't want to know about everybody in town. Before you can start a conversation she is off and running. She relishes every juicy detail and probably even elaborates as she goes into high gear. You don't have to listen to this. Check youself. What are you doing that leads her to believe you want to hear this? Let her know that you don't and then do not engage in gossip yourself. Change the subject whenever she starts and tell her you are not interested. Stick to you guns on this one.

Stay tuned, I have lots of other stereotypes I can write about. If you want some more leave me a comment and even a suggestion of what to write about.

Lynn Banis, PhD, MCC

The High Performance Coach

Read more posts from the Hey Mom Series here, here and here, or click on the "Parenting" tab under Labels in my side bar. Moms work hard and deserve encouragement! Please share this post with other Moms you know.

Lynn is a Master Certified Coach with years of experiences helping moms through tough situations. She would love to answer your questions on a weekly basis. What are you struggling with? What questions do you have about getting through the day? Leave her a few comments with your questions and concerns and she will be happy to write about them in future posts. To find out more about Lynn and how she can help you live your passion, visit her at: www.discoverypointcoaching.com/blog
Flying Giggles and Lollipops said...

Thankfully my MIL is the sweetest woman in the world and I get along with her very well!

I am Harriet said...

I use to think this way until we both aged. Now I'm just grateful she's till with us. Cute post :)

Vickie said...

My MIL is a drama queen but I love her and I am so glad she is in our lives. After the birth of my third child, I got no sleep. She would come by and take care of the kids so I can nap. You have to take the good qualities with the bad.

It has been a while since I have been here. I think I am done with the facebook games. They were totally sucking my time;)

sheila said...

My MIL stays out of our business very well. No problem-o here! Thankfully!

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