The Total Transformation Program Review

Have you ever felt like a rotten parent? Chances are you have. Despite our best intentions, from time to time most of us feel like we're failing as parents. But have you ever really felt overwhelmed, lost and completely inadequate as a parent? This is where I was a few months ago.

When I first became a mom, I felt I was pretty well equipped to do the job. After all I had always had a love of kids, had grown up babysitting a younger sibling as well as caring for neighborhood kids and later even worked as a nanny. I knew I wanted to be a mom from a young age. I had responsible parents as role models, had great intuitive abilities and certainly had enough love to give. Although I knew parenting would be challenging, I felt I was well prepared to meet any challenge that was presented. I would rule with a firm but loving hand. I wanted my kids to have the freedom to explore and develop their own little personalities, but certainly not be allowed to be obnoxious, rude or disrespectful.

Well, all went as planned for about a year. Before long my first born proved to be quite a handful. Always energetic and curious, naps fell by the wayside before age two. The "terrible twos" brought bouts of anger and resistance that I had not anticipated. I read books on developmental stages and discipline and learning styles, yada, yada. This I could handle. I just needed a few more tools.

During the preschool years I felt some serious twinges of doubt when I was notified by the school more than a couple of times that my child had been disruptive, refused to participate or gotten into a spat with another child. I began to grow anxious about what I'd hear each time I went to pick him up. "He's passionate and strong-willed." I told myself. "These are traits that will serve him well in the future." Or,  "He's bright and perceptive. He knows how to push other's buttons." "Maybe he's bored; not challenged enough." I wondered. We decided to homeschool so we could attend to his needs individually.

As time went on the anger and defiance got worse. We blamed ourselves. We blamed each other. What are we doing wrong? we asked. I read book after book. Article after article. I consulted friends and family (many of whom have psychology degrees). We tried punishments (don't punish, discipline, I read). We tried incentives (plan, chart, reinforce, I read). We tried restricting priveledges (find out what motivates him, I read). We begged, threatened, yelled, demanded, reasoned and tried everything we could think of. Nothing worked. Things got worse. On and on it went. The back talk, defiance, threats, and destructive behavior. This was my baby. How could this be? Was I really so horrible a mother? How did we get here? More importantly, how would we make it right? We had to do better. We deserved to live in peace. This unhappy, angry child had nearly broken my spirit, but worse, was breaking my heart. I knew he wasn't happy and wasn't living up to his potential. I wanted so much better for him. And for our family.

I felt us spiraling downward and felt powerless to stop it. I was exhausted, depressed, despairing even. I had to help him. We talked to the pediatrician. We talked to a therapist. We tried some herbal remedies. We did some preliminary testing. The labels started flying around but nothing was changing. Finally, after much soul-searching we tried medication. It helped. Somewhat. Things got more manageable. But the negative behaviors were still there. They were just muted. The pattern of errant thinking, of acting and reacting needed to change. We had work to do, but how would we begin to deal with the child behavioral problems we faced?

Enter The Total Transformation. I had heard of this program and had been reading the Empowering Parents newsletters. This was real advice. This made sense. This might actually help. Soon after, I was offered an opportunity to review the Total Transformation Program through The Family Review Network and I was beyond thrilled. I couldn't wait to find out if this program was overblown hype, or if it offered real direction and solutions for parents stuck in real life problems.

I received the entire program which consists of a jumpstart DVD, 7 audio lessons, a Parent's Workshop DVD and a bonus CD lesson called the One Minute Transformation, as well as a workbook for these lessons. The entire program was developed by James Lehman LSW, who has over 30 years of experience working with defiant kids and their families. His own story is pretty amazing, you can read it here. While his credentials are impressive and the positive reviews encouraging, I really just wanted to know if it worked. I dove right in.

That was three weeks ago. So far I have completed the introduction and the first two lessons of the program. James advises that you work on one lesson per week. The intro helps you pinpoint specific behaviors you'd most like to change and guides you to focus on each to build success. You can't tackle everything at once and you have to really do the work to see results. I was impressed with the organization and thoroughness of the material. While it is time consuming to listen to the audios and complete the workbook, it provides real focus and encourages commitment. The advice he gives is supportive, positive and presented in a no-nonsense manner. He actually gives real scenarios and tells you how to respond, what to say, what to expect, etc. It is very helpful. There is even a toll free parental support line (for a minimal monthly fee) which you can call at any time to speak to a real professional who is familiar with the program, who will offer specific advice for your situation on the spot. Wow! Support doesn't get much better than that.

I am totally impressed with the quality of this program. The advice is concrete and comprehensive. Parents can listen to the audios, complete the workbook and gain a better understanding of why their children act the way they do, why they parent the way they do, and get specific advice on how to improve their situation. I have not found any other book or program to be as helpful. While it does take patience and perseverance to see real change, it is totally worth the effort. At first I was a bit disappointed that the first few CD's were more about learning to understand your family's current behaviors than about changing them. But as I continued on I began to see how the lessons build upon each other and how my attitude and confidence as a parent were changing. I now feel more in control and have a much more positive vision of the future. And I see changes in my son too. He is more content, more in control of his day, and happier. I will continue to work the program and will probably refer to it for years to come.

Bottom line: if you have a child who is defiant and you are willing to make real changes, this program will help. To find out more or order The Total Transformation click here. You can also visit www.EmpoweringParents.com and sign up for the free newsletter which offers no-nonsense advice and useful articles for all parents.

This review was written for The Family Review Network and The Total Transformation who provided the complimentary product in exchange for my honest review.